


Do you remember?

by cadetjaeger



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Angst, Grief, Insinuated Suicide, Levi is sad, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, eren is dead, light sexual references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 05:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4947883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadetjaeger/pseuds/cadetjaeger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another quick one shot. Eren is dead and Levi is grieving. Angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you remember?

Eren Jaeger. You are my first love. My last love. My only love. I love you. Present tense; not past. If I start referring to my love for you in past tense, it means I've accepted you're gone. And I will never accept that you're gone...

God, you should've seen how your eyes sparkled in the light. They were stunning - you could see whole worlds shimmering within them. Remember how I'd always joke about how your eyes shone brighter when you saw me? And you'd always come up with some smart-ass retort to counter, followed by that smug half-smile that you knew I loved. That I still love because you're still here. God, you're beautiful. So beautiful.

Do you remember how we met, Eren? I'm sorry I was such an asshole to you at first, I promise it wasn't anything personal. I just didn't want to let anyone in. Of course, that didn't stop you, did it? Eren Jaeger gets what Eren Jaeger wants. Tell me, Eren, did you want this? 

Do you remember our first date, Eren? You dragged me out to possibly the worst diner I'd ever been to. God, do you remember how rude that waitress was? The way she looked at you with such scorn and disdain...I should've slapped her. But I didn't. Because you asked me not to.

Do you remember seeing the fireworks together, Eren? I do. They were incredible: works of art etched into the sky, yet so temporary it was almost tragic. Colours of every variety illuminating the sky in an explosion of beauty. But you didn't even bother to watch them. You never took your eyes off me. You must've really loved me. Hey Eren, do you still love me? 

Do you remember that time in the cinema, Eren? We sat right at the back where we thought no one would be, just like a typical teenage couple. Do you recall the sensation of my lips against yours, and the sweet juxtaposition of your warmth against my ice? Because I can't forget it. Ironic, isn't it? We're both ice now.

Do you remember how we celebrated a whole year of us dating, Eren? You turned up at my doorstep in the most handsome tux with the most gorgeous bouquet of magnolias in your arms. You always knew they were my favourite flowers. You knew a lot of pointless shit about me, but you always claimed that it held great meaning to you; that it made you happy to learn more about the man you loved. Tell me, Eren, does any of that information mean anything to either of us now? 

Do you remember the night I asked you to move in, Eren? We were huddled together on the sofa, watching some lame-ass horror movie and I just suggested it out of nowhere. I'll never forget the look of excitement and hope on your face when we went down to the locksmith's to get you your own set of keys to the flat. Hey Eren, where did all that hope go? 

Do you remember the day you ran away from home when we fought, Eren? I was so frightened something had happened to you. I searched for you non-stop: every street corner, every back-alley, every suburban sprawl. I was just about to retire and call the police when you had trudged home, your eyes brimming with tears and scratches all down your face. I distinctly remember holding you in my arms, resting my head on your chest and reassuring myself by listening to the frantic yet existent beat of your heart. It was that day I vowed never to let you go again. I guess that proves how much my vows are worth, huh? 

Do you remember how I comforted you when you lost your mother, Eren? You wept so hard that I thought you weren't ever going to stop. All I could do was whisper meaningless nothings to you as I watched your body wrack with heavy sobs. I felt helpless for the first time in years. I prayed I'd never have to see you like that again. I guess I should've been more careful what I wished for.

Do you remember how you gradually learned how to function again and how you slowly but surely stopped crying yourself to sleep, Eren? I used to wrap my arms around you until you'd eventually nestle closer to me and I'd watch until your breathing had become steady and even. You always fell asleep first. Now you'll never wake up again.

Do you remember the night I proposed to you, Eren? The weather was atrocious; the rain was torrential and the fog clung to everything in sight, engulfing it. That didn't stop us though. I took see your favourite musical, and then we went out to lunch at that restaurant you always loved. I proposed just after desert, and you almost squealed. I still remember how filled with love and affection your eyes were that night, and how you wrapped your arms around me so tightly I thought I was going to suffocate. Now I miss your over-enthusiastic hugs. Isn't it funny how you never appreciate something until you no longer have it? 

Do you remember the first time we made love, Eren? You were so passionate and bold, never holding back. I ran my hands over every line and crevice of your body, lovingly beholding your bare, gorgeous body. Now I'll never feel your embrace again, nor will I ever feel joy. 

Do you remember the night you finally gave up, Eren? Because I don't. You never told me anything. I never knew that your smiles masked your suffering, and that you no longer had the willpower to continue living. You left me alone with no one else to stand by my side. No one to cheer me up when I was sad. No one to hold me together when I was ready to break. Now there is always a dull, hollow ache in my chest because it was you that had my heart. It died alongside you.

Do you remember how I cherished you, Eren? How you were the centre of my universe and how everything in my life revolved around my affections towards you? Because I will never forget. I loved you, Eren.

But my love for you slipped into past tense.


End file.
